"Sarah," Ruchi says when she calls the next day, "remember you promised me a follow-up? I'm really curious. What do you actually do in your therapy? How can a few games help children change? Is that even possible?"
"Of course, Ruchi," I answer. "If you have the patience, I'll try to explain.
Our brain is made up of many different areas, and each one is responsible for a different function. There's an area responsible for self-control, one for understanding, one for oversensitivity or undersensitivity, one for mental flexibility, and many more.
Every healthy person has activity in all areas of the brain, but the difference between one person and the next is in the dose. Everyone has some areas that are more dominant, meaning more active and stronger, and others that are less active, more dormant. These differences are mainly what make people different from each other in personality, behavior and functioning. Of course, the environment influences a person too, but the difference in nature is the main thing. For example, you see a family where the parents raised the children more or less the same way, yet each child grew in a different direction: one exactly in the parents' path, one more rebellious, one even frummer… Usually, you could already see each child's nature and natural leanings from a young age."
So what does all this have to do with our topic?
"When everything works well in the brain cells, and there's a balance between all the areas of the brain, all is well. But when the brain cells in one particular area aren't active enough, and the child can't make up for it with other, stronger areas, life gets really hard. He doesn't function well, or he doesn't bring out what he's capable of, and that's when therapy is needed.
In therapy, we have to activate the weak brain cells that are causing the difficulty, and we do that through games.
When a child plays a game, he's activating his brain cells. In therapy, I match him with the right game, one that makes him face his difficulty and grow stronger. For example, for a child who struggles with self-control, who bursts out and acts on impulse, I'll bring a kids' version of Sudoku, where he has to work without making mistakes: he has to think and stop before he acts, and place each piece in the right spot.
Now let's try to choose something for your son based on what you told me, hoping we've identified the right difficulty even without an assessment: he needs to strengthen his capacity for effort, to cope and keep trying even when he fails. So we'd give him a challenging game that takes repeated attempts to succeed. For example, the cone-stacking game: you have to build a pyramid, and it takes precision and concentration to keep it from collapsing again and again.
Strong faith in his ability to make progress, along with the expectation that he keep trying and pushing without giving up, works wonders in a child. Despite the difficulty and frustration along the way, the child comes out feeling satisfied and strong!
And when the child meets the area that's so hard for him and faces it head-on, he strengthens his abilities, and that automatically carries over into the way he handles life. Suddenly we see moments when the child reacts differently! More mature, more responsible, and so on, depending on the case."
"Sarah, is there anything I can do with games at home?"
"Of course, Ruchi, no question! Right from birth, you can give babies stimulation through toys that will help them, b'ezras Hashem, develop well. When a baby has the grasp reflex, meaning he grabs onto whatever you put in his hand, it's very important to give him thin rattles he can wrap his fingers around. That strengthens his fine motor skills.
And it's the same at every age: the more games of different kinds we give children, the more stimulation we give their brains to develop. Because everything we try, run into and deal with gives us the chance to grow and move forward!
For your son, Avi, I'd suggest a wide variety of games. For example, group games where he has to wait patiently for his turn, deal with the disappointment of not always winning, and cope with losing. Board games where you copy a pattern will also demand patience from him, and they'll be good for him. The key is variety, which helps you reach every area of development."
Names and identifying details have been changed.
Sarah Shugerman · Cognitive assessment and therapy through play
